It's almost new year 2010. Yay? :]

2 days before new year. One word to describe it - BORING.
I dont know whether this year's my worst or best year ever.
Still too early to judge coz I'm still alive.
But if I'm dead by tomorrow, I must say, this year's the most memorable year lah.
Maybe.

I'm not saying that the past 16 years, nothing interesting happened.
It's just that, this year, there's more memories for me to remember.
The bad ones and the good ones :)

What I can remember that happened in the past 16 years were,
The day i was borned, 0-year-old.
Tried to run away from home cz I'm scared of the maid. I'm guessin I was 5 or 6 years old that time.
Went for swimming lesson in Water World with my childhood friend Kurt,
who's 4 days younger than I am when we were 10-years-old.
The day I fell down while playing "tag" with my friends and got a hole on my left leg when I was 11-years-old.
Graduated from primary school with tears rolling down the cheeks from some of my friends and teachers when I was 12-years-old.

The day I was found lost in KK High School when I first stepped into that school. Soon to be 13-years-old by that time.
The day Teacher Thecla declared me as one of the APD room member. I am actually the 2nd member after Megan Steven. That was when I was 13-years-old too.
My surprise party in Tanjung Aru organised by my friends when I was 14-years-old. Sweet :)
PMR and yes, found my first love 2 days before PMR. When I was 15-years-old :]
The day I started life as one of the Senior for the Form1-3 juniors when I was 16-years-old.

The day I sat with Stanely and became close to him and soon, we claim ourselves as "couple senasib". 17-years-old.
The day I drank and become drunk. 17-years-old.
The first til the last day of SPM. 18th of November til 8th of December :]
The days(s) I partime as Santarina in 1B. 20th-23rd of December, 25th-26th of December.
The day when a lil girl suddenly came in front of me and hugged me when I was working as Santarina. 21st of December.
The day He came in fornt of my house with roses without telling me he's coming. 24th of December.

The day I met Stan in SR and gave him the choc Kelvin bought me as birthday prezzie, gave him a bar of Cadburry Chocolate Moose, and a cake with Charls. Waited him til SR is closed and said goodbye to him. 29th of December.
He's goin to PLKN on 4th of Jan 2010. Sad thing :(


Those were some of the good ones, for me.
Bad ones. You dont wanna know :)

Anyways, I just thought of being an independant girl.
So long for being dependant on my parents.
I was thinking of renting a room if I wanna continue my studies and take a course in Photography.
My parents dont agree on me takin that course, so yea, have to make a plan first. Just in case :)
I'm gonna work and study. Work to earn money so I can pay for my studies IF my parents still dont agree with me taking that course in the future.
Or maybe I'll just work as a flight attendant. Quarters are provided. As I was told.
Sounded simple, but hell I know it's not gonna be that simple.
Tough luck.

...
I'm bored :]

Holidays :]

I'm done with highschool. Finally :)
Was happy that I dont have to wake up at 5.15am in the morning,
go to school and go home at 2pm or so.

But it's a sad thing for me too.
I'm missing all my schoolmates.
I miss my Bowling Club.
I miss my Pencegahan Jenayah Club.
I dont miss my Kadet Remaja Club :D

I'm bored.
I miss my job as Santarina in 1B xD
I wonder if I'll get the job in Secret Recipe? =]

Stress liao.
I dont know what else to type.
Gahhh.

Christmas :]

27th of December 2009, 2 days after Christmas :]

Well, 2 months ago, I was all so excited bout Christmas I kept mentioning it in my blog, and to pple that always text me. They know how excited I am for Christmas.
It's been a while since I last blogged though :)

About a week before Christmas, Kev offered me to work as Santarina in 1B.
I was okay with that.
Since I have nothing to do this holiday, I agreed.
He said from 20th til 23rd of December.
My 1st day of work was really awesome. It was my 1st job anyways.
Taking pics with people form all ages. It was really fun.
And not forgetting bout the giving-out-candies-to-children part.
They looked really happy.

Looking at those children, gave me this one lil thought.
Giving them sweets are enough to make them happy. They were all so innocent and easy to be satisfied.
How innocent are those children.
Unlike us, preadults/adults. We want more. Candies dont make us happy.
Nothing can really satisfy us to be exact.
We like to make stuffs complicated when we can choose the easy way to live our life.

Anyways, back to my job.
It was tiring for me the 1st day.
Standing the whole time with heels on isnt really my thing.
I wear shoes most of the time. So yea.
The next day, my leg kinda hurts, but still, I can stand the pain.
For a first timer in working, this work is kinda awesome and I thank Kevin Chong a lot for this.
I met a bunch of new people. Staffs working in Centre Atrium, the Street Magicians and Clowns.
They were all friendly which is a really good thing.

This reminds me of the DJ, named Gadeez.
He was really2 talkative and kinda entertained me with his acts.
He kinda gave me some advices that I can really use. Thanks yea :]
And Santa Claus. He's a nice person. Poor Santa had a headache on Christmas day and took an off day the next day.
And I was working alone as Santarina. Spent most of the time with the Clowns.

Been working for 6 days now. Awesome huh.
Well, I was working on Christmas day. It was nice.
1B was crowded by people and there's this competition for kids.
Talented kids they have there.
Didnt expect that my Christmas day would be spent with people I dont know.
But it was cool. Working was actually the highlight of my Christmas day.
Nothing much happened.
Christmas eve, someone really gave me a heartattack by standing in front of my house with roses without even telling me that he's coming.
Thank you so much for the surprise.
At least you made me smile on Christmas eve :]

Overall, my Christmas didnt really go like how I'd expected it to.
Nevermind that.
Happy Birthday to YOU up there :)
It's You that matters. Thank You for letting me live till today.

SPM :D

It's SPM season now. 3 subjects down, 6 more to go :D
BM - bole pass
BI - bole pass
SEJ - tunggu mati!

2 more weeks to go and I'm done with highschool.
Done with the daily routines I used to do.
Wake up at 5, put on my uniform, breakfast, off to school, home, sleep.
And it goes on and on. For 13 years I've been doing that routine.
Can I get use to not doing it anymore? *sigh*

Time flies when you're just about to enjoy something.
And the next thing you know,
you realise that it's just the past and all you can do is have flashbacks and look at the pictures you took.
Memories you had that cant be replaced by anything. Not even cash.

My form5 life had been quite rough and complicated.
Been through obstacles that nearly made me breakdown and give up life.
But thanks to my friends who were always there to support me and gives me strength.
Especially Stan, Aubrey, Jas, Yee thing. I owe you guys a lot. Thanks darlings :)
Thank you Stan for your company, jokes, trust. Really had fun sitting with you the whole year.
Thank you Aubrey for willing to waste time with your sis, and those stupid acts of yours that always made me smile/laugh.
Thank you Jas for trusting me with your problems and advices and made me accept Christ :]
Thank you Yee thing for being my friend. You innocent lil girl :]
And thanks to everyone who's involved in my life.

I wonder how will I spend my 3 weeks of rest after SPM.
Reminds me of something.
Christmas! xD
I wish this year's Christmas will be fun and yes,
more unforgettable memorable memories :]

Neways, good luck to all those SPM candidates out there.
All the best! :]

Spirit of Christmas :]

Christmas?
Cant wait for it to come :D

I can feel it in me. Dont know why.
But somehow, I'm excited for this year's christmas.
Expecting something special to happen.
If it was like last year's, it would be great.
Or maybe it'll be way better than last year?
Who knows ;]

SPM is around the corner, yet I still din study.
Amcm lah result aku nnti ah?
Credits all the way? ataupun.... Palis2~ :S

I miss Uncle Leong.
Where are you uncle? When will we meet again?
It's been years since we last met.
Still rmbr those days when you took me to go kedai runcit with your motorbike.
I really miss you. I heard mom said that you were in semenanjung.
I wonder, will you still remember me?
Though we've been apart from each other for years,
still, I cant forget bout you. You loved me so.
I know. I love you too :)
I pray to God that I'll meet you again someday.
Cant wait for that day to come.

Jiwang oh. Hee.
Lately, my life's full of jiwang-ness.
Stuffs happening here and there.
Challenges I got from above?
It's tough alright.
Sometimes I wish that all these will just go away and let me live a peaceful life.
But to think of it again, without those stuffs, what is Life?
What/how will life be?
My answer: Dull.

I'll leave highschool soon. Less than 2 months.
Kinda sad though.
5 years of highschool.
It was really a blink of an eye thing.
First I was found lost in KK High School, and the next thing you know,
I'm steppin out from that school. Bringing precious unforgettable memories with me. *tears*
Betul2 in jiwang mood oh me this.

I wonder, what am I gonna look like in the future?
Of course, older than I am now.
But then, am I really gonna be a stewardress? xD
Am I gonna achieve my dreams? Sehhh.
Hope so lah kan. *fingers crossed*

If only there's a time-machine.
If if if if if if.
I wonder who my soulmate is xD
Ataupun I jadi anak dara tua?
Atau jadi nun kah?

Okay I'm bored. It's been a while since I abandoned my blog.
I wasnt in the mood of writing. Dont know why.
Before this, I was like gila blogging that I can publish 3 posts in a day.
Guess when people gets older, they kinda change huh :D

Aint life just full of obstacles :]

25th October 2009, 6th day of raya, I declare that as the day I was single again :)
Had a big fight.
Gettin closer to a new friend.
Knew him for quite a while already,
but then, we just saw each other in a certain place, nvr really had any conversation.

Certain website made us closer as we always chat, and soon, he became my textmate.
But that was only for like a month or less.
Something happened, and that was kinda related to why I became single.
He was the one who made me realise bout the truth.
He made me SEE with my eyes but not my heart.

I was blind folded by sweet talks, lies, sh*ts.
All this while, I thought he was the one for me.
But I shud've known.
All those fights and stuffs he did shud've made me realise.
Was such a fool to give him chance more than twice.

I thank my textmate for telling me the truth.
No worries, I will never tell him what you've told me.
I can never thank you enough.
If it wasnt for you, I would never know all those stuffs.
But hey, dont get it wrong. I didnt broke up with him because of you.
You knew that we had problems before we even broke up right.
I'm sorry if this made you think that you're the one who broke us up.
But no, you were'nt the reason why.

I learned a lesson in my life, but I learned it the hard way.
I don't know why I'm always in love with the wrong kind.
Fate I guess? :]

It was never wrong for you to be my textmate.
To be close to me.
But I understand if you were scared that he'll find out bout it.
No worries. He'll never even know that we contacted each other for the past few weeks.
Lately, it's been kinda awkward between us both. I know.
And I'm just sorry for everything. I guess less contacting each other is better.

Yesterday, I went to a certain place and nearly cried in that certain place.
How embarassing it'll be if I cried in public huh.
I know. At least I controlled my tears from rolling down my sweaty cheek :]

He came and talked to me.
Begging for one last chance. Cant you see, how many chances I've given you?
Last time, it was the 4th time, and I've told you it was the last chance,
and you said "okay. I'll change".
Now that I've found out that you lied bout having an ex, lied bout nvr fell in love,
you expect me to give you one last chance and be fooled for the one last time?
You think I'm some kinda lifeless doll? No feelings at all?
Think again.

Now, I doubt bout your love.
You can lie bout having an ex,
I dont see any impossibilities for you to lie bout your love towards me.
I'm sick and tired of all those lies.
So pls just understand.

After he went away, another guy came.
Giving me that ohh-kesian-me kinda look.
Cant you see that I just talked to someone and obviously I'll be getting upset,
but you, came, gave me that sad look and wanted to talk to me?
I need time and space.
I broke up doesnt mean that I'll go and accept you right that instance.
Why cant you people just stop bothering me bout getting a chance to be with me
and try to understand my darn situation I'm facing here?

I'll be sitting for my SPM in 4 weeks time.
I cant get my ex off my mind for what he did.
Everytime I had nothing to do, advertisements were on tv, HE will popped into my dang mind.
Making me stress and eventually, I feel tears.
I'm tired of crying.
Trying to forget it.
But somehow, I just cant. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
My reputation was ruined just because of your stupid stories.
And you dont even wanna admit!

How I wish my life was taken right now.
Right at this moment.
I had issues with guys and yes, I know that.
Thanks to him, it got worst. Trauma?
I guess so.

The past really makes me speechless.
Present makes me feel like dying.
My future?
I'm guessing.....
I'll be spending most of my time alone while others have their soulmates beside them.
I dont give a damn.
If that is what gonna happen next, I'm not gonna complain bout a thing.
But if it was the other way around,
I thank God He gave me someone to be with me till death do us part.

Whatever it's gonna be, I'm just darn stressed now and nothing can change that. Ever.

People who came to the party.

Stan Patricia
Megan Fanny
Gene Jasperin
Aubrey Yee Thing
Teo Rowena
Aziandaye Daphne
Jonathan
Ah Foo
Ah shak
Jason
Chan chan
Malek
Kevin
Ah Chung
Heng

Hope you people enjoyed yourselves lastnite :D
Untuk yang mabuk tu, bertaubat lah ko. Jangan minum banyak2 if x dapat k xP
Those who were in charged in BBQ section. Sadap bah bus. Full juga sia.

Partayyy.

Had a bbq party yesterday. Was busy the whole time.
I really wanna thank those who helped me, especially Stan and Megan.
U guys really helped a lot. *hugs* T.T terharu. wakaka.
And to those who helped to bbq, SEDAP bahhhh~ :D
Thank for the pressies, smores and icecreams, and thanks for comin.
Riuh bah tu party xD

Well, the busy-ness starts at 4.30 pm.
Stan and I masak the spagetti punya mee.
We were still relaxed. Slow2. Skali tingu, tiba2 we became busier and busier.
Non stop until the party was over. Haha.
It was tiring yet fun.

We took the foods outside,
tried to kasi bakar the charcoal, but we failed, susah ni.
Then last2, i din know who yang buka the api.
Lots of people came though.
5A friends, 5T, my cousin and his wife and my mom's friends.
People eating, drinking, laughing. Enjoying themselves.
It was really fun to see the expression on everyone's faces.
We got berkaraoke also oh.
Chan chan said I was high wah. Haha.
I sang Lucky by Britney Spears with few people. Kuat bah.
Macam mabuk, tapi x pun mabuk. Wakaka.

Well, Kevin got drunk. And he vomited. Euwww.
Stan and I had to clean the basin for like an hour oh. It was stuck. Haha.
We found "nata de coco". PUTIH + SQUARE2. xP
Still perfect in shape. Yuck. He didnt chew his foods! xO
And to make it more gross, we found chicken! Hahaha. It was like, 5cm in size.
Gila man. Poor Stanely. He had to clean it.
I'm just in charge in carrying the plastic. He did the rest.
Thanks Stan. I dont know what to do if you weren't there last night. Hee.

Well, something happened though.
A girl cried? Lol. Was shocked. Haha. I thought what happened to her.
Manatau...... Hee. X boleh lah bagitau sini. Private kunun. :/

Meg and Stan had a sleepover here at my place. Nice bah.
Was chatting with Meg till 4 sumtin while sms-ing Daddy xD
Daddy went clubbing without bringing me bah. Ni lah kawan :P

I woke up at 8 sumtin. Cowo aku sms. Hehe.
He was outside. Well, that explains why the dogs were barking.
Noisy bahhh. Kin panas ni. Mau2 ja sia baling handphone murah ma tu anjing2 oi~
Invited him in and mom went out.
So we teens took over the house.

Stan turned on the radio, and we cari makanan.
Spagetti! Left overs. Haha.
Heat it up in the microwave + tomato sauce + cheese.
INI LAH HIDUP wahai manusia2~
We masak crab stick sumore. But only me and stan ate it.
Cowo? Makan cake bah pagi2.

Stan said " Family Lucky lah pling pndai menikmati makanan "
Betul kah tu stan.
Ntahlah. Haha.

What else ah. I also duno what to type ady lah.
What I'm tryin to say is that, my weekend was filled with lotsa fun activities.

How was urs? :D

Birthday :D

Wooo. It was my 17th birthday 3 days ago, 4th of August. Getting older now babe.
Someone gave me a surprise. Was really surprised man. Thanks dude.
I appreciate what you did. It was really nice of you to do that :)

The whole class sang me a birthday song. THANKS mates! :D
He bought a hazelnut cheesecake. I think that's the name of the cake.
It was okay. Haha.

Well, had lots of stuffs that surprised me that day.
And boy, it was a day full of hapiness and sadness too.
Tears came rolling down my cheek.
Happy or sad?
It was for both.

I finally realised that the fact of someone that you think you can trust 100%,
can become your worst enemy (backstabber), was true.
It was an undeniable fact. Really, it is/was.

I thought that someone, was one of the closest person to me,
and that, that someone would never do something that will upset me.
But no, I was being stabbed from behind.
And that person was trying to blame some other people for everything that happened.
Blaming some other person that was innocent.
And you said you changed? Think again.

Besides that, I had a fight with that special someone of mine.
Funny, he didnt even know it was my birthday.
You said you love me,
but you forgot the date i was borned?
I dont blame you for that. It's nothing.
But hey, I was angry because of the stuffs that you did to me before this.
And I still can tahan.
But when you didnt even realised that it was my birthday,
that really made me angry and pissed.
And what happened in the past, gave me a good reason why I treated you so.

I didnt want to act like this, but there's nothing that I can do.
I still cant forget it.
I'm trying my best now to get over it.
I'm sorry for my actions.
But if you did something that's gonna upset me once again,
I guess you know what's gonna happen right.
I dont have to tell you what is it.

Oh well, I'm gonna have a bbq party tomorrow at home.
Invited some of my friends.
Hope everyone will enjoy the foods :)

Bored.

New blog! :D
I'm bored. Why oh why.
Well, been kinda stressed out lately.
I think somebody hates me. I think nobody loves me. I think i'm lonely, and that i dont have anybody.
Haha. Jk. Emo lah.

Aaaneways, Just got my com back. KENA FORMAT! :(
And everything's not how it used to be.
It's. All. So. DIFFERENT.

Well, I guess no one will find out bout this new blog of mine.
Coz i havent told anybody bout it's existance. Not just yet. Hehe.
So overall, I'm talking to myself.
Reading this crap that i typed, myself.
Laughing to all those cold jokes I created in this blog, myself.
Until the day somebody that knows me found out bout this blog.
Till then, I'm all ALONE. haha.

Well well, it's been a while huh.
I had my own life too.
My new life i mean.
Yeah. Had a new "special someone".
Only few of my friends knew bout it, but when it comes to his side, it's like, ALL of his friends.
Including his family, uncles, aunts, cousins. Yea.
And like, 9/10 of the people in bowling alley. Lol.

One question,
Am I liking this new life of mine?

My answer, not much.
Well, i love him. But does he really love me?
That's one question that's been haunting me from the 1st day he told me he liked me.
UNTIL NOW. I'm still doubt bout it.
So much for a girlfriend.
I dont think I'm a good gf for him neways.
Dont ask me why, coz i dont know why.
It's just a feeling of mine you know. Those doubting stuffs. I get it all the time.

But one thing's for sure.
I love him. But i'm scared.
Scared of what my friends might say bout him.
That really answers the part why only few of my friends knew bout this relationship.
Even my two closest friends didnt know bout this.
What a friend I am huh.

It's not that I dont treat them as my close friends.
It's just that I'm not ready yet.
Not just yet.
It's not the time for me to reveal the truth.
I let people discover and be surprised of this relationship of mine, themselves.
I dont tell, until they ask me "was it true u'r with that guy?", then I'll answer them.
But if they dont know a thing, then why tell?
Might as well keep it low. Right? :)

Well, lots of people were surprised when they found out bout this relationship.
their comments were

"both ur relationship are like beauty and the beast. Funny. I still cant believe it. But hey, he's a humourous guy. Just like his father. Isnt it? You both will get along well. Good good."

"seriously? since when? I CANT BELIEVE IT GIRL! *with a big smile on that face*"

AND

"wow. this is unexpected. I mean, he's loud. And you, you're a shy and silent person. And now you're both together? You'll be happy Lucky. You will. He is very lucky to get you"

Those were positives ones. The negative ones, you dont wanna know.
I'm sad to have to hear those -ve comments. But since I'm in a relationship with him,
I have to accept and just listen to what people say.
As long as I know that I love him, no matter what people say, it's all crap stuffs to me.

Well, I've been having thoughts on our relationship.
Negative ones. But I hope I wont have to do something negative to get over it.
Fingers crossed :x