Mysterious-ness :]

Well Hello Blog. I am once again active starting from now. As today is my day off, I havent slept for the last 13 hours.
I am bored. Very.

Well well. My bos, Edmund, just kept on asking me why I'm such a reserved person when it comes to public or talking. I remember him asking me whether I have a stage fright or sumtin. Well yes I do, although I did sang in front of a big crowd on the stage for KKHS Night in our school hall. That was embarassing and yes, my hands were shivering that I can feel cold sweats in my palms that night.
He did said that I have this Jekyll and Hyde personality earlier today. I gotta admit that, I strongly agree with you on that. Yes, I am Dr.Jekyll when it comes to chatting or texting, but say hello to Mr.Hyde when you're seeing me face to face :]

I am a quiet person. Need I remind you of it? Well it's obvious isnt it. I dont talk much cz I cant think of anything to talk bout if you're not a close person to me. Reminds me of Stan, Aubrey, Jas, Yee Thing, Kevin Vun. I guess in class, these were the people that I actually talk to, A LOT. The others were... well... we talked, when they have something to ask me bout bowling and I have something to ask them bout homeworks. Apart from that, I have my own world in class.

Well I do play along with Jason, Chan2, Jia Hui, Teo, Jonathan. Cz they're sitting behind me and beside me. Those rascals. I miss them already. I remembered when I was talking a lot and asked a lot of questions that Jason asked me this "What got in to you today? You're so high lah. Got boyfriend ady dis kan". Wth lah. It's once in a blue moon that I'll actually get high and you're not appreaciating my high-ness. What a waste :P

I tend to type a lot. Reminds me of my old blog(s) which I forgot the passwords and email adds to. I wrote tonnes of craps that can make your eyes bleed just reading it. Believe me. Some even got tired just reading it :D

I do hope that I can really socialize with people easily.
I grew up as a talkative kid and now, as I reached puberty, I got more into the silence part. Cant blame the puberty itself. Some things that happened in my past made me isolated myself from people. I rather live in my own world. I keep my head down most of the time rather than looking into people's eyes or faces. Accept for children.
I love children so much that when I go to a party with a lot of children, I actually make friends with them.
I am friends with all my mom's friends' offsprings. Only for like ages of 14 and below.
My mom was wondering why did I have such drastic change. But I dont think she'll figure out the reason(s).

There's a time in life where I reached the point when I think I should go for a psychiatrist. That period of time has made me suffered for a few months. Shredding tears everynight and cried till I fall asleep. It was tiring. Really tiring. I even texted a counselour. But when she asked me what the problem actually was, I stopped replying her, broke down and cried. You might think I'm a cry baby. But I cry in my own shadow of darkness. I never exploded and scolded someone so hard that I yelled at them, cz I prefer to cry than offending them with my words.

When I found out bout the bloody truth and what I've experienced. My life changed to 180 degrees.
I feel so empty. I questioned myself with stupid questions.
I can never accept the fact that my life before was just a fantasy.
It was like the scriptwriter deleted the old stories and decided to write a new one.
Everything has made me lose hope and I can never trust anybody else in life.
When it comes to feelings, it takes time for me to have faith in someone.

It's funny when people seek for your advices when they have problems.
But you yourself, cant even solve your own prob.
I tried to stay strong. Hide everything. Put on a mask and smile.
But how long can all these be kept in me without me erupting like a volcano?
That, is a question that I can never have an answer to.
Time, will decide :]